I first met my husband when I served him a sweet tea and Brunswick stew while working as a waitress at Sonny’s BBQ to pay my way through college at UCF. At the time, he lived with his brother and another roommate while they all attended Full Sail University for Audio Engineering. As musicians and recording engineers, their house was full of instruments and musical equipment, and they would often throw incredible parties with an unusually eclectic mix of guests. Most of the time, it was obvious what value invited guests brought to the table (in those days, it was either a musical ability, interesting conversation, or beer). Sometimes, however, it was less clear. In this case, they would literally ask someone (who seemingly added no value) the question:
What do you add to the Mix?
If they had to ask someone this because their value wasn’t glaringly apparent and they didn’t come up with a good answer, needless to say…
…they wouldn’t be invited back.
At first, I thought it was a bit harsh, but it got me thinking. There really is a “recipe of characters” for every social situation that will result in a specific outcome – good, bad or ugly. While I had no musical bone in my body, I suppose I passed the interesting conversationalist test with my big ideas, or possibly it was just the beer.
As social animals, it is in our DNA to gather, share with one another and feed off of each other (not literally, I hope). As we move into a the era of social collaboration and globalization, it is now more important than ever to know what you “add to the mix”, and bring it to every gathering.
So, How Do You Add To The Mix?
1.Own Your Strengths, and Know Your Value. Before you can bring value to a social situation, whether it is an event you are attending, a meeting at work or blog post or simple email to a colleague, you have to know and own your strengths. I believe that everyone on this earth was put here for a reason and has something of value they can share with the rest of us. It is your responsibility to find and own your strengths. If you’ve done a lot of self-discovery and reflection in your life, you likely can name your unique gifts, values and talents. If you have not invested in getting to know your true self, you may want to stop reading this now, and find a personality/aptitude test that will help you determine the special gifts and interests you posses (Try Strengthfinder.com, The PCI Test, 41q.com or just google ‘Free Personality Test’ to start down the path of self discovery.)
In fact, the power of Wisegate is based on this premise that all Senior IT & InfoSec Professionals (CISOs, CIOs, CTOs, VPs of IT, Directors and senior subject mater experts) with over 10 years of experience can learn and share something of value with each other. Each of our members brings some unique experience, expertise and value that they are able to share with the membership base. My husband, Matt, as a naturally inclined musician, is also a natural listener. This is arguably the most important soft skill to have because you can then become a powerful sounding board and with the right questions can help people see things they missed before and help them to solve their own problems.
2. Be Purposeful. Begin with the end in mind. Excuse the cliché, but it is so important to think about what taste you want to leave in the mouths of your peers or audience when you walk away from a social situation. There is an art to sharing your special ingredients, and situational awareness is the key to mastering this art. For example, I am an idea person and creative brainstormer. I have lots of ideas and an overwhelming desire to help people solve problems. Typically, this is a good thing and can bring tremendous value. Sometimes, though, it can be overwhelming and counterproductive if I let them all out at once or share them without being thoughtful of the situation, my audience and the purpose of the meeting or event.
My personal goal for most events I attend is to be helpful, credible and memorable (while having fun).
I will also create a specific goal for each event or meeting (One to three measurable outcomes that I can reflect on and determine success afterwards). On the flip side, I have also caught myself being what we like to call “large and in charge” which can also be a huge turn off and can you in trouble (Don’t do this.)
3. Be Present. Being mindful is crucial to perfecting your special recipe for adding maximum value to the mix in today’s distracted, multi-tasking society. In fact, being present is actually one of our core values at Wisegate, and there is research that shows the benefits of being present that include stress reduction (and treatment of Type A personalities). Our fearless leaders, Sara Gates and Kirsten Moran constantly have to take a step back and remind us all to stay aware and be present and focused in every meeting. Beyond the personal benefits show through research, mindfulness will also help you find new and dynamic ways you can add value and glean value that you had not prepared for or thought of prior to the meeting or event. These spontaneous interactions can often be the most valuable and are the reasons we spend so much time meeting and brainstorming with others. They are also often missed opportunities when everyone in the meeting is doing the ol’ blackberry prayer checking emails, tweeting or catching up on their fantasy football stats.
If you are reading this, you likely have some self-awareness and are interested in ways you can refine the special sauce you add to the mix. If I can help you in any way to discover, develop or promote your personal value to the world (or just the people who matter), please don’t hesitate to add your thoughts to this post or reach out to me directly.